Snape Snaps
by Mrs L. Greenleaf
Summary: Our beloved characters have had enough of Professor Snape...MWAHAHAHAHA
1. Bubble, Bubble Toil and Trouble

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling and all her people. Some chapter headings are from the witches in Macbeth.  
  
All the creatures are found in Magical Beasts & Where To Find Them.  
  
A/N: In this story Professor Lupin has returned to Hogwarts, where he is taking Magical Creatures Club with Hagrid. Lupin has been allowed back into Hogwarts because the new head of the Board of Governors is female and has the 'hots' for Dumbledore. Malfoy can't do anything about this for he has had an embarrassing episode with Moaning Myrtle... Also some things dramatically change the whole of Harry Potter's plot, but don't mind me you'll probably never meet me any... Also, this is set when the trio are in fifth in alternate universe where Harry didn't find out about the Order of the Phoenix...MWAHAHAHA...  
  
Please review my story.  
  
Please be nice to me because this is my first fan fiction.  
  
* * *  
  
"Bubble, Bubble Toil and Trouble"  
  
"No," said Harry scathingly to Ron as they trooped down the corridor. "It was 1743, because that's when the revolt ended."  
  
The boys were arguing over when the Great Hermit Revolution started, so they could annoy Hermione who had been put under a hex in her sleep, (She had had an argument with Lavender Brown over Professor Telawney's newest prediction of Harry's death. This was a Pogrebin attack; Hermione argued that because those were only found in Russia, Harry wouldn't be killed in one. While Lavender said that wizards could make them appear anywhere they wanted.) when Hermione suddenly grasped Harry and Ron by their satchels and pulled them towards the notice on the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom door.  
  
"Oww... that really hurt Hermione, I hope you have something to say for yourself," said Ron. Both boys broke down at the look on Hermione's face.  
  
"I'm sorry Miss Granger, could I get past here today? What's the matter-of course, that hex Miss Brown placed on you. Stand over here and I'll fix it for you." Professor McGonagall led Hermione into the classroom and mumbled a counter-curse to remove the hex.  
  
"Thanks Professor! That was very annoying, I kept on trying to show Harry and Ron how to fix it for me, but I'm afraid they couldn't get their heads around what I needed them to do."  
  
As Hermione was explaining this, she didn't notice the smile on McGonagall's lips when she followed the others out of the classroom.  
  
"We're very sorry Hermione, we just couldn't understand what you were trying to say." Harry said this as levelly as he could, before breaking into a wide grin.  
  
"Oh just wise-up and look at the notice on the door. See? A Magical Creatures Club, it should be fun."  
  
"Hermione, seriously, if you want us to give up our free time and do extra learning, you'll find we won't do it." Then Ron saw the small print on the parchment and quickly changed his mind, "on the other hand, I suppose we could go if Lupin and Hagrid are in charge. I'm starving, let's get something to eat."  
  
Before Harry or Hermione could say another word, he marched off into the Great Hall for dinner. Harry peered at the small print, then announced, "I think Ron just realised there would be free food."  
  
* * *  
  
"This is unacceptable!" Ranted Snape as he paced around Dumbledore's circular office, "he was just thrown out and now you expect me to turn a blind eye to it? Well I don't have one and no over grown bumblebee is going to stop me." Snape calmed down slightly and said, "sorry, I was studying foreign languages last night."  
  
"Come now, Severus, don't make a fuss. It's only Remus and since Mr Malfoy has been removed from the school's Board of Governors, Professor Lupin has been allowed back into Hogwarts. Besides, I'm sure you'd be welcome to attend the Club, though you'll have to miss out on the classes I'm afraid."  
  
Dumbldore's eyes smiled brightly over his half-moon glasses as Snape glared at the Sorting Hat.  
  
Snape was seething, he couldn't believe that that stupid, dangerous werewolf was back at Hogwarts, it just wasn't fair! If only he could get the man thrown out again and maybe get rid of the oaf as well...he smiled.  
  
"Alright Professor, perhaps I shall encourage a few pupils from my house to attend this...'club'"  
  
* * *  
  
"Harry! Ron! Hermione! How're yeh? I bin watin' fer yeh to come an' visit meh fer two years! I mean Two Years-I thou' I mean' more to yeh Harry! An' yeh Ron... watch yer back-are yeh paying attention?" (Hagrid has just discovered the exclamation mark, but sacrificed the full use of his tongue; it may take him several paragraphs to recover.)  
  
"I think hang on...waiter? Yes I would like three Pumpkin Pastries, five Cauldron Cakes, four Chocolate Frogs and a packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. Sorry did you two want anything? No- okay, did you get that?"  
  
Ron directed this barrage of requests at a passing Hufflepuff. (Unfortunately for Hufflepuff House (who were grieving for Cedric), Helga Hufflepuff had an unorthodox way of grieving. She used to dress-up as a waitress and serve others food for two years.) This student nodded silently and hummed the funeral march in a rather lethargic way under his breath.  
  
Draco Malfoy strode towards Harry, Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Oh. I thought this club was going to be worth while, not Hufflepuff drones everywhere- Crabe, put that down. No Goyle, here's your dummy...sorry, you know how it is; teething. I think I'll send them back up to the castle."  
  
Malfoy flicked his wand and his cuddly cronies disappeared in a puff of puzzlement.  
  
"So this is the new club, I think it should be fun, don't you think? Unless of course there's going to be... Hippogriffs." Malfoy shuddered. (A/N: so I decided to make Malfoy a nice character, what's wrong with Tom Felon in the first two movies may I ask?)  
  
Hagrid patted him on the head.  
  
"Hey, Mr M! I think we're going to be able to conquer this irrational fear you- where'd he go?" pondered Hagrid.  
  
Malfoy had pointed his wand at himself and disappeared waving.  
  
Lupin bounded up to them and smiling widely, he said, "It's good to see you, now let's get rid of the boring ones." The Professor turned and yelled over the crowd of students waiting, "It's good to see so many of you wanting to take part in an innocent bit of fun: Screw Riding!"  
  
Hogwarts students couldn't get out of there quick enough and the club was left with about thirty people: twenty Gryffindors and ten Ravenclaws. The Weasley twins had obviously been in on the joke Harry realised, as he saw them grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Right, now we can get down to business," said Lupin. He cleared the table sat the side of the clearing and chairs appeared with a sweep of his wand. "If you could all gather round please?"  
  
When all the students were seated, Lupin looked around at them all, as if weighing them up for what he was about to tell them.  
  
"As we all know, Snape is a twerp who needs to be taught a thing or two about Defence Against the Dark Arts and the magical creatures of our world. This is why Hagrid, The Weasley Twins and I have decided he needs to be taught a few practical lessons. You few who are brave enough to ride screwts are brave enough to survive a terms worth of detentions that will be in store for you if you join."  
  
He looked around at his audience again, then nodded at Fred or George. George stood up to address them all.  
  
"We have prepared a document for each of you to sign that swears you to loyalty and secrecy towards our cause. There is a hex placed on each scroll which should be sufficient in convincing you to keep your word."  
  
A Ravenclaw raised his hand, George nodded and he stood.  
  
"I'm Terry Boot and I was just wondering if this was the same hex that had Draco out cold and covered in boils for half the school holiday,"  
  
He smiled and sat, Fred grinned at him nodded. There was an appreciative hum to the conversation around the table, everyone knew that the twins were involved in that. George began to pass out the pieces of parchment and when Harry looked down, he laughed:  
  
I Solemnly swear that I am loyal to the Magical Creatures Club, which is dedicated to putting Snape in his place and teaching him a little something about the Dark Arts. If I disclose any information about this to anyone outside the club, I will immediately be hexed for three months.  
  
If I am caught by Snape I will laugh in his and not say anything. If I am caught by: Professor Dumbledore, I will admit everything that I did, but I will disclose no names.  
  
When all the forms were signed, Hagrid smiled around at them all and said, "Now fer the real initiation. Get into threes and grab a shovel each, then follow me over to hippogryffs' enclosure."  
  
At this point the members' smiles became fixed, apparently the Weasley Twins didn't know about this part thought Harry as he looked over at them.  
  
* * * 


	2. Fire Burn

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me. I don't make any money from writing fan fiction so don't sue me. If any Discworld characters come into the story at any time, they belong to Terry Pratchett. And the chapter headings are generally from Shakespeare.  
  
A/N: If you don't like what's happening to Sev, then don't envisage him as Alan Rickman. If you don't like the way Draco is portrayed, then just picture Tom Felton (Ahhhhh...).  
  
Anyway if any strange characters crop up (for example the Luggage) they are most probably from Discworld. I advise you to read them and start with 'The Colour of Magic'.  
  
* * *  
  
"*Fire burn*"  
  
"Augurey (also known as Irsih Pheonix)  
  
M.O.M. classification: XXX  
  
The Augurey is native of Britain and Ireland, though sometimes found elsewhere in Northern Europe. A thin and mournful-looking bird, somewhat like a small and underfed vulture in appearance, the Augurey is greenish black. It is intensely shy, nests in bramble and thorn, eats large insects and fairies, flies only in heavy rain and otherwise remains hidden in its' tear-shaped nest.  
  
The Augurey has a distinctive low and throbbing cry, which was once believed to foretell death. Wizards avoided Augurey nests for fear of hearing that heart-rending sound, and more than one wizard is believed to have suffered a heart attack on passing a thicket and hearing an unseen Augurey wail. Patient research eventually revealed, however, that the Augurey merely sings at the approach of rain..."  
  
Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them  
  
* * *  
  
Hermione looked down over the Hogwarts grounds from the highest astrology tower of the school had. Clouds were gathering in the sky and she knew that the bird would sing, but she wondered if Snape would fall for the trick. She could see the blind folded Augurey being moved into place by her fellow team members. The 'team' consisted of Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Hagrid and herself.  
  
The twins were using the Marauder's Map to keep a look out while Harry flew the bird in to position on his Firebolt. He glanced up at Hermione who signalled to Ron.  
  
Ron strode out from the Forest, yelled to Hagrid and placed a hex on himself, which caused several large, ugly boils to pop up on his face. Then Hagrid ran towards him, lifted him up and ran into Hogwarts yelling for a teacher. Professor Snape glided towards Ron and Hagrid, then grudgingly helped Hagrid by clearing the way through hoards of students.  
  
The team moved into the second position.  
  
* * *  
  
Harry pointed his wand at the ground level window and whispered alohomora. He walked down the corridor and looked around, placing the bird on a table, behind the door in Snape's office. Then he set a few very large, very dead spiders beside it.  
  
He glanced around, the office was the same as it had always been, cold with dead things leering out of jars. He thought about everything Snape had ever done to him and his friends and (with difficulty) he decided against putting a curse on the desk.  
  
Harry remembered the first time he had ever been in this office. He and Ron had been terrified; Snape had tried to expel them for crashing a flying Ford Anglia into a rather vicious Whomping Willow. It wasn't even as though there had been any permanent damage done to the tree in the first place, it had been much life threatening to them.  
  
The Augurey moved its' head, as though it could see Harry through the fabric. Harry gave it a friendly pat and took off the bird's blind fold. He quickly exited the office, ran down the corridor and out the window to the relative safety of Hogwarts grounds.  
  
The Augurey looked around, then turned towards the window to see that the boy had got on its' stick and flown away into the cloudy dusk.  
  
The Irish Phoenix turned to look at the figure sitting by the desk. It had a white skull and glowing blue orbs for eyes. Death was holding his scythe in a slightly bored manner.  
  
I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN PLAY TRICKS FOR LITTLE CHILDREN. He said. Death stood and walked towards a random wall. I THINK I SHALL LEAVE HIM FOR TODAY. He took out an hourglass with Severus Snape embossed on the nameplate and gave it a few flicks with a skeletal finger. I THINK I SHALL LEAVE SEVERUS FOR A WHILE YET. (A/N: Death is from Discworld)  
  
The air outside was beginning to thicken with the moisture that comes before rain. The clouds darkened, winds lashed at trees and a weathercock spun quickly round in a circle before spinning away, into the countryside.  
  
The Augurey took a deep breath.  
  
* * *  
  
Professor Snape strode down to his dungeon office thinking. He knew that The Magical Creatures Club was planning something, but he just hadn't quite figured it out yet.  
  
As Severus opened the door and froze as a sorrowful call met his ears; "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN NGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AANNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGK..."  
  
He looked for the source of the sound and for some reason, expected to see a skeleton in a cloak, but instead caught sight of a rather shrivelled vulture. The wail started up again and at this point he thought about suicide.  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAANNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG."  
  
He froze the bird with a point of this wand and the feeling of a selfless, self-sacrificing lemming quickly passed. Snape put the Irish Phoenix in a bag and as an after thought, dropped in a couple pickled fairies.  
  
Professor Snape went over to his fire-place and used the Floo Inter-Office- Network to visit Dumbledore.  
  
* * *  
  
Hermione waited under the invisibility cloak outside the office as Snape entered his office. She heard the bird and resisted the erge to blow her self to 'smithereens'. When the Aurgurey stopped calling a second time Hermione stepped closer to the door and opened it slightly.  
  
She was just in time to see Snape leave by using Floo and took off the cloak.  
  
Hermione walked slowly away from the dungeons and pondered...  
  
* * *  
  
Harry saw Hermione and went to meet her on her way back to the Forest. She seemed to be concentrating.  
  
"So, did it work?" asked Harry.  
  
"No. He seemed to know what the bird was after a few seconds. I thought that Augurey would be more effective seeing it's already twenty years old."  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"Snape brought it through the Floo Network and I think he's going to Dumbledore."  
  
They walked in silence. Professor Lupin came to join them. He had been watching from Hagrid's hut and asked them how it went.  
  
Hermione told him and Lupin laughed.  
  
"What's so funny?" inquired Harry "it didn't even work."  
  
"Snape just did the most stupid thing possible with that bird." At the bemused look on their faces, he continued, "because it's sensitive to rain, it's also sensitive to dryness and when Floo is used it dries the air. When he comes out the other end, all he will have is a bag containing green dust." Lupin laughed out loud and they turned towards the school...  
  
* * *  
  
Snape stepped out to find Dumbledore eating a packet of yellow muggle sweets and looking into his pensive.  
  
"Hello, what can I do for you today Severus?" he asked without looking up.  
  
"I have a compliant to make against this new club you have allowed to be set up." replied Snape, smirking.  
  
The Headmaster put the bowl back into a cabinet near his desk and put the sweets away in a drawer. He summoned his phoenix and whispered something in its' ear, before carrying it to the window and letting it fly away.  
  
"And what would that be Severus?"  
  
"Some-one has put an Irish Phoenix in my office. I can only assume it was the Club, because no student would have been able to smuggle one inside Hogwarts. Besides, they scared Malfoy away by threatening him with a hippogriff."  
  
Snape pulled the bag out from behind his back and handed it to Dumbledore. The Headmaster looked inside the bag, before giving Snape a very strange look and dumped green soot and two pickled fairies out of the bag.  
  
"I'm sorry, Severus, but whatever evidence you may have had against them has been destroyed before you reached my office. There is no way for me to test what this substance was before you used the Floo Network. Besides a particular sweet turns to dust if brought through the Floo. Apple Bon-Bons if you're interested at all. I thought that Mister Malfoy had got over his fear by now."  
  
Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling from behind his glasses and his lips began to curve in the beginnings of a smile.  
  
Meanwhile Snape was fuming. So... the dog is smarter than he looks it would seem. Well I'm going to have to teach him and his little friends a lesson in DADA...  
  
"Sorry to have wasted your time", he said stiffly. "Have a nice evening."  
  
* * *  
  
They were in the clearing again, but this time there were many curious animals hanging around, just outside the light provided by floating candles. Tables had once again been set up (but this time people sat in their teams, chosen in their spare time) and all the members had seated themselves. The excited faces were looking expectantly at Harry's group. Hermione shook her head.  
  
"Well, it was a good try." Harry conceded. "Who's going next?"  
  
The groups looked around at one another. Many of the students were looking everywhere but Professor Lupin, who sighed and conjured a large pink top hat from the air.  
  
"The first name pulled out of the hat gets the next turn, and I'll post the date up outside my classroom. Don't ask for any details and in case the target shows up at the next meeting, pull out your gloves and start talking about how great Screwt Riding is."  
  
There were several moans as the conspirators went their own merry ways for the night. Hagrid was looking rather worried.  
  
"Bu' there's only one lef' Professor. What if she gets hurt?" He asked Lupin as the two walked towards his hut.  
  
"What do you reckon will happen if Snape finds out it was us?" asked Ron.  
  
"Oh...I'd say we'd know about it in the morning when he slips some truth potion into the Pumpkin Juice tomorrow." replied Harry.  
  
"Or when he does the same thing to us." Said Hermione darkly.  
  
* * *  
  
Well that's the second chapter and the story for now, because I have to go back to school on Monday and it'll be a while before I get the next bit out.  
  
If you have any ideas for the next chapter, please send in review or via email.  
  
Fluffpaws- I'll sent you an email when the 3rd part is out if you like.  
  
*REVIEW PLEASE* 


	3. When Shall We Meet Again?

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me, it belongs to JKR, so don't sue me. Discworld belongs to Pratchett, not me. The sound track I'm listening to belongs to Warner Brothers, but I bought it so that means... I'm confused I'll move on.  
  
A/N: I'm really in the mood to write, cos I got my 1st two reviews;  
  
I'd just like to thank...  
  
Westie04: even though I practically held you at wand point, you reviewed!  
  
Beautyqueen1979: I love to torture Snape...will I drive him mad? Will he murder? Will he ignore the whole thing and carry on with life as usual?  
  
YAY!  
  
Oh yeah, this chapter is for Alex, please don't be offended by the ramblings!  
  
* * *  
  
"When shall we meet again?"  
  
"BILLYWIG (M.O.M. Classification:XXX)  
  
The Billywig is an insect native to Australia. It is around half an inch long and a vivid sapphire blue, although its speed is such that it is rarely noticed by muggles and often not by wizards until they have been stung. The Billywig's wings are attached to the top of its head and are rotated very fats so that it spins as it flies. At the bottom of the body is a long thin sting. Those who have been stung by a Billywig suffer giddiness followed by levitation. Generations of young Australian witches and wizards have attemptes to catch Billywigs and provoke them into stinging in order to enjoy the side-effects, though too many stings may cause the victim to hover uncontrollably for days on end, and where there is allergic reaction, permanent floating may ensue. Dried Billywig stings are used in several potions and are believed to be a component in the popular sweet Fizzing Wizzbees."  
  
Fantastice Beasts & Where To Find Them, Newt Scamander  
  
* * *  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting under the enchanted ceiling (showing the soon-to-be-autumn-sky in a cool blue shade) in the Great Hall, eating breakfast. Not being especially enthralled by her toasted crumpets, Hermione turned then saw Snape and Malfoy striding (and skipping) their way towards her. She looked at Harry and Ron, quickly pushing her Pumpkin Juice away and putting her hand over the goblet. The boys did the same.  
  
Snape was smiling in his customary leering fashion, which he stopped when he tripped over a Hufflepuff bench:  
  
"20 points and don't let me see you doing again." Snape barked at the closest Hufflepuff.  
  
Malfoy just smiled handsomely at Hermione who blushed slightly, before looking up at Snape and turning pale again.  
  
"You three, my office needs cleared, tidied and shorted out and you're the ones to do it. Malfoy will be assisting you, as he has disobeyed my orders yet again." Snape leaned a bit closer to the Gryffindors, who leaned a bit further back.  
  
"Malfoy will give you the details."  
  
There was a short silence.  
  
Snape prodded Malfoy.  
  
There was another silence.  
  
Snape clipped Malfoy on the back of his head.  
  
Malfoy looked up.  
  
...And looked down.  
  
He looked at the trio, with a puzzled expression on his face.  
  
"...Tomorrow night, 7'o'clock..."  
  
He looked up at Snape again, who glared down at Malfoy.  
  
"If you're late, Crabbe and Goyle will see that you aren't again."  
  
There was a pause, then Malfoy leered half-heartedly at them and gave an embarrassed cough before looking at his feet again.  
  
Snape kicked him.  
  
Malfoy gave him a look so often used by puppies that Snape's face softened momentarily.  
  
"Remember to bring..." He prompted.  
  
"Oh yes - Remember to bring your scrubbing brushes and pride because both of them will be greatly worn down." Malfoy managed to hold the sneer for a full ten words, before grinning at Hermione again.  
  
Ron moved edged slowly between the two.  
  
Snape looked towards the heavens glided like a bat to the Teachers' Table.  
  
Malfoy shook hands with Harry and Ron, before slipping a note into Hermione's hand, while kissing it.  
  
When he departed, all three turned slowly and sat down on the bench as one.  
  
Hermione tried to read the note but was interrupted by Ron wrestling her for it. Harry took the note and gave it back to Hermione.  
  
"'Don't worry, I'll cover for you and your friends'" Hermione read aloud.  
  
'I know you did it my sweet and for one short kiss I shall keep that promise for all eternity.' Hermione continued inwardly, colour again rising on her delicate cheeks.  
  
Ron stole the note and read the rest. It was all Harry could do to keep Ron sitting at the table, while Hermione put the Leglocker curse on him.  
  
Ron soon managed to twist around in his seat and glare meaningfully at Malfoy, who paying absolutely no attention to him.  
  
* * *  
  
Snape slowly opened his office door with a look of concentration on his face. He pulled out his wand and lifted the hexes placed on the floor and surfaces. Then Sevvie looked to the painting on the wall who shrugged and walked out the frame.  
  
(The painting was of course Ravenclaw and therefore in on the plan, so Sevvie won't be trusting him again any time soon.)  
  
The Professor sighed in relief and then sat down on the chair at his desk. It was a good chair, with a soft leather seat, padded arms and snakes carved all the wood, it was the best chair he had ever sat upon. Which was why he let his guard down and closed his eyes.  
  
Behind him, a cupboard opened...  
  
* * *  
  
Harry had removed the Leglocker Curse once Malfoy had left the Great Hall. Now he, Hermione and Ron were sitting in Transfigurations. Attempting to convince a cushion into becoming a parrot. As usual, Hermione had succeeded and was trying to get Harry and Ron to try it properly, instead of sitting on theirs.  
  
"Why did you have to do that anyway?" complained Ron. "Couldn't you just have placed a Memory Charm on him? Besides, now probably thinks you fancy him or something stupid like that." Ron gave Hermione a sidelong look, then turned away in disgust.  
  
Unfortunately for Ron, Hermione had given in to Draco's blackmail outside the Great Hall. She got the impression he would use that ploy much more often.  
  
She had turned red.  
  
Ron turned a nasty shade of purple.  
  
"When do you reckon the next meeting will be?" asked Harry to the world in general. Sensibly, he ignored the colours that his friends had turned.  
  
* * *  
  
Professor Snape heard a buzzing sound and looked behind him to see a cloud of bright blue moving towards him.  
  
He reached for his wand, cried STUPIFY, and found a rather hilarious rubber chicken in his hand. Sevvie's wand was sitting on a table near his door.  
  
The Potions Master said "Oh SH-"  
  
* * *  
  
Madame Pomfrey's alarm in her office went off. She sent a signal down to Hagrid to fetch Dumbledore to the Hospital Wing, and set off down to the Dungeons.  
  
...  
  
Soon Professor Snape was brought up to Hospital Wing by a piece of ribbon, held by Hagrid. To Dumbledore he looked like an awfully gruesome muggle child's balloon, he adored balloons and it was a positive improvement in Snape.  
  
"What's happened to him?" Dumbledore asked Pomfrey, "has he been hexed?"  
  
She paused to tie the now unconscious teacher to a bed and put a curtain around him.  
  
"It seems that a swarm of Billywigs have attacked him Headmaster. The colony from the greenhouses escaped last week, but Professor Sprout couldn't find them all. I don't think Professor has been permanently gravitated, but it looks like he'll be levitating to his lessons for at least a week."  
  
They both attempted to stay serious, they didn't succeed.  
  
* * *  
  
Severus opened his eyes when the swelling had gone down slightly, he wished hadn't. Whatever he had been tied down with had come loose, so he had floated up and was touching the high ceilings of the Hospital Wing. Some one had left his wand on the table beside his bed and by pulling himself down he managed to reach it.  
  
After several minutes of experimentation, Sevvie found that he could control the floating by issuing short, sharp bursts from his wand. Though this technique meant that he sometimes dropping his wand.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Madame Pomfrey found Snape poking around in the supplies cupboard with a pole he had conjured up for himself (literally). She gave up on trying to get him back down to bed when he succeeded in untying the ribbon. So soon Sevvie was discharged none the worse (except for the levitating and a slight twitch in his left eye).  
  
* * *  
  
There was a knock at the door of the Charms Class which was ignored by all apart from Professor Flitwick, who ran across the room to open it. (He doesn't get out much-what does an overgrown munchkin do in his spare time anyway?)  
  
Somehow Snape managed to hover menacing over Hermione and Ron, who didn't notice him until a speck of drool landed between them. They looked up. Hermione screamed so much that Sevvie actually jumped, without touching the ground. Ron fainted conveniently, slumping side ways onto Hermione's chestal region. She jerked him away and continued screaming.  
  
After a few moments, Snape decided that they weren't the culprits and floated serenely out of Charms. The entire female population of the class was in hysterics, while the boys waited for Flitwick to close the door, before laughing loudly and nervously.  
  
* * *  
  
Snape largely enjoyed his week of Levitation he could move more silently than before and had more with the students than normal. In fact they were getting the look of surprised petrification down to a tee. However, he unexpectedly lost his power and landed in Ron's cauldron which container a high power Lust Potion. (Luckily Hermione managed to freeze Sevvie before he could do her any harm.)  
  
* * *  
  
Later that week, the meeting had taken place. In honour of the success of the plan, team names were introduced and a points table was drawn up and team 'Beagle' was given 20 points.  
  
The point scheme is as follows:  
  
For getting Snape to the hospital wing - 5 points  
  
For lasting effects – 5 points  
  
For mental damage (ie. the twitch) – 10 points  
  
For Snape's enjoyment of effects – minus 5 points  
  
Creativity – 10 points  
  
Place of prank;  
Snape's Office – 5 points  
The Great Hall – 20 points  
In the presence of other teachers – 18 points  
In school Grounds – 10 points  
  
However, an agreement was that in exceptional cases (ie the effect of the stupidity of the idea or spell or creature used in prank), additional points would be awarded.  
  
Again, a hat appeared (this one was blue with violet faux fur trimmings and yellow feathers in the rim) and another name drawn out of the hat. This time it was team 'Butterbeer' (Hermione, Harry, Ron and the Weasley twins) b(A/N YAY! GO TEAM BUTTERBEER!)b, who had the honour of taking their next turn.  
  
* * *  
  
Hermione was at breakfast the next day, when Draco pranced over to the Gryffindor table, smiling widely. He planted a kiss on her and Hermone grinned back up at him.  
  
Ron attempted to hex the offending Slytherin, but his sister got in the way. When Colin Creevey had blasted Ron into unconsciousness, Hermione and Draco resumed their loving gaze.  
  
Draco bent down on one knee and began "Will I compare you to a Caudron's base?"  
  
After he had finished his mutilation of Shakespeare's sonnet he asked Hermione "When shall we meet again? When the moon is full and the clouds are none?"  
  
The Gryffindore gave Malfoy a look that clearly said "Next Wednesday by the lake, and don't forget to bring the blanket."  
  
* * *  
  
A/N: I know the ending's cheesy and so but aren't Draco and Hermione so sweet? Whatever will Ron do? Heh heh heh...  
  
Review please! 


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